"I'm not the hero! I'm the guy in the crowd making fun of the hero's shirt"
Seth MacFarlane, "A Million Ways to Die in the West"

  1.  

    (via stegosarah)

    Source: robxwhite

  2.  

    (via gerkyhen)

    Source: kehlso

  3.  

    tardis-mind-palace:

    pir8crabs:

    Some people theorize that one extra factor that made the Titanic sink was added weight from loads and loads of time-travelers attempting to prevent it from sinking.

    #how to paradox

    someone. write it. go. and make it funny as shit.

    (via wizardlife)

    Source: pir8crabs

  4.  

    therealallecto:

    scaredpotter:

    the slytherins making a drinking game where they take a shot every time draco malfoy talks about harry potter

    also known as the night Madam Pomfrey had to save an entire dormitory from alcohol poisoning

    (via wizardlife)

    Source: scaredpotter

  5.  

    siderealscion:

    mALEFISHIENT, MARK

    ive been meaning to make work-related comics forever, so enjoy some choice movie title bastardizations.

    (these all actually, seriously, happened, with no humor or awareness on the part of the customer at the time as far as I could tell. so, yes, someone actually asked for a ticket to “Detergent” with a straight face.)

    (via stegosarah)

    Source: siderealscion

  6.  

    I’m so cased

  7.  

    (via scotch-enthusiast)

    Source: queerajlee

  8.  

    modestmgmtofficial:

    everything’s so funny when u use the wrong measurement:

    • 5 gallons of homework
    • mouthful of lint
    • 20 degrees of facial oil
    • 7 pints of china
    • handful of fergi
    • 60 mph of dad

    (via soulastray)

    Source: modestmgmtofficial

  9.   jollyidiot:

I have reblogged this at least a thousand times

    Full image link →

    jollyidiot:

    I have reblogged this at least a thousand times

    (via mycoffeeshopstory)

  10.  

    send me a symbol

    send me a: "✎" and i'll handwrite your url

    send me a: "♔" and i'll draw you/your character

    send me a: "✉" and i'll handwrite a little story for you

    send me a: "✈" and i'll handwrite the one place I most want to go

    send me a: "★" and i'll handwrite my favorite color

    send me a: "♥" and i'll draw you a picture

    send me a: "☀" and i'll handwrite my favorite season

    send me a: "✦" and i'll handwrite my favorite animal

    send me a: "☮" and i'll handwrite my tumblr crushes

    send me a: "♪" and i'll handwrite my favorite genre of music

    send me a: "♫" and i'll handwrite my favorite singer or group

    send me a: "✂" and i'll handwrite something I find attractive

    send me a: "✔" and i'll handwrite my favorite movie

    send me a: "✮" and i'll handwrite my favorite food

    send me a: "☾" and i'll draw something of your choice

    send me a: "☁" and i'll write something of your choice

    Source: omgiam-jongin

  11.  
    [x]

    (via dickflickmoment)

    Source: evgeniemalkin

  12.  

    kill your curiosity

    1. Last kiss

    2. Last phone call

    3. Last text message

    4. Last song you listened to

    5. Last time you cried

    HAVE YOU EVER:

    6. Dated someone twice

    7. Been cheated on

    8. Self harmed

    9. Lost someone special

    10. Been depressed

    11. Been drunk and threw up

    THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:

    12. had sex

    13. How many people have you had sex with this year?

    15. Made a new friend

    17. Laughed until you cried

    18. Met someone who changed you

    19. Found out who your true friends were

    20. Found out someone was talking about you

    26. What did you do for your last Birthday

    27. What time did you wake up today

    29. Name something you CANNOT wait for

    30. Last time you saw your all of your siblings at the same time

    31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life

    32. What are you listening to right now

    33. When is the last time you had sex?

    34. Who's getting on your nerves right now

    35. Most visited webpage

    36. Favorite colour

    37. Nicknames

    38. Relationship Status

    39. Zodiac sign

    40. Male or female

    41. Primary school

    42. Secondary School

    43. High school/college

    44. Eye color

    46. Height

    47. Do you have a crush on someone

    48. What do you like about yourself

    49. Piercings

    50. Tattoos

    51. Righty or lefty

    FIRSTS:

    53. First piercing

    54. First best friend

    55. First hookup

    56. First Bestfriend

    RIGHT NOW:

    59. Eating

    60. Drinking

    61. I'm about to

    62. Listening to

    63. Waiting for

    YOUR FUTURE:

    64. Want kids?

    65. Get married?

    66. Career

    WHICH IS BETTER:

    67. Lips or eyes

    68. Hugs or kisses

    69. Shorter or taller

    70. Older or Younger

    71. Romantic or spontaneous

    72. Nice stomach or nice arms

    73. Sensitive or loud

    74. Hook-up or relationship

    HAVE YOU EVER:

    76. Kissed a stranger

    77. Drank hard liquor

    78. Lost glasses/contacts

    79. Had sex

    80. Broken someone's heart

    82. Been arrested

    83. Turned someone down

    84. Cried when someone died

    85. Fallen for a friend

    DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

    86. Yourself

    87. Miracles

    88. Love at first sight

    89. Heaven

    90. Santa Clause

    91. Kiss on the first date

    92. Angels

    93. How would you label yourself?

    94. Someone You Pray Everyday For

    95. Did you sing today

    96. Who From All Your Ex's have You Cared The Most About

    97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?

    98. Out Of Everything In The World What Do You Wish For

    99. Are you afraid of falling in love?

    100. Do you like the way you look?

    Actually ask me something. Anon or not.

    PLEASE DO THIS ACTUALLY FOR ONCE I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER PLEASE

    Source: psycho-wonderland

  13.  

    (via elizachu)

    Source: obamajunior

  14.   lolshtus:

You’re A Hazard, Harry

    Full image link →

    lolshtus:

    You’re A Hazard, Harry

    (via wizardlife)

    Source: lolshtus

  15.  

    Full image link →

    (via 321-letsjam)

    Source: tomodachicollection